One benefit to packed malls and crowded holiday sales at this time of year is that it keeps me at home.
I know what you are thinking: oh boy, here comes yet another sarcastic commentary on the travails of crowded holiday shopping. Actually, you are wrong. This article is about procrastination. But more on this later.
In the mean time, allow me to make a sarcastic comment on the travails of crowded holiday shopping: Run away. Far away. Of course, you can’t really run far away without bumping into a shopper somewhere. And anyway, at this time of year there is a long line to Run Away because it is open nights and weekends until January 1st.
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I attempt to do most of my holiday shopping online; the throngs of key pressers that make the servers crash are not in my way when I go to the kitchen to make a turkey sandwich. And if I become really nostalgic for a holiday shopping experience, there is a crowded coffee shop in the mall nearby where, once I find a spot to perch my laptop, I can listen to muzak and claw my way through the jungles of Amazon.
By now you are thinking: He lied, this commentary really IS about the travails of crowded holiday shopping. OK, it may seem that way, but let me explain.
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You see, these days you can’t wait until the last minute thinking the lines have gone down. Because the stores are crowded all night accepting returns. And online there is shipping to think about. And gift wrapping. And maneuvering through Web pages without an escalator.
Nevertheless, every year I put off my holiday shopping until it is just a desperate errand. But no longer.
I know what you are thinking. This is nothing more than a lame commentary about procrastination dressed up in cynical holiday wrapping.
Actually, you would be wrong again. You know that popular electronic goldfish leash you were hoping to buy on Amazon? I just snatched up the last one while you were reading this.
Like I said, my days of procrastination are through. Have a great Thanksgiving everybody!
What? It’s over?
