Dad of Late Bullied Teen: Be an Upstander Not a Bystander

In a powerful and poignant 90-minute presentation at Lawton C. Johnson Middle School Thursday, John Halligan shared the story of his son Ryan, who took his life in 2003 at the age of 13, following years of bullying by peers.

Speaking while a slideshow that encapsulated his son's life played, the emotional dad illustrated for students how their words, whether spoken or written online, and their actions can have life-altering effects on others.

When asked by a student during the question-and-answer period that followed his narrative, how many assemblies he's spoken at, the father of three explained how sharing his family's heartbreaking account came about. 

Halligan said he was contacted by a guidance counselor in Vermont in 2005, shortly after he had worked to see that bullying prevention in schools became part of the state's law. While he went into the presentation thinking it would be a one-and-done situation, six months later he received an email that changed his mind. 

A student who had been in the audience during his presentation wrote to let him know that after hearing his words, she went and apologized to the girls she had taunted as a middle schooler. Knowing that his and Ryan's story had brought that about was enough to make him want to continue, despite the emotional toll of recounting it.

"That email is priceless," said Halligan, who told students he will have made 1,000 presentations since 2005 by the end of this school year, all in the hope of receiving another email like that one. 

Halligan said he is "not delusion" and knows he can't touch the hearts and minds of each student in the audience but if one child leaves thinking about being kinder or apologizing for hurting someone else, then his time has been well-spent.  

The anti-bullying activist also urged students who might be friends with bullies to be  upstanders rather than bystanders. Acknowledging that most often bullies are performing for an audience, Halligan implored students to either speak up for the person being bullied or derpive the bully of that audience. He added that if one friend of the students who bullied his son had done something to stop it, his family's story might have a different ending today.

He also encouraged students to visit the website established in memory of Ryan, which has links to anti-bullying laws and suicide prevention resources.

In conclusion, Halligan told students that they are "loved beyond belief," and added that his son focused on the people who didn't like him rather than all those who loved him. He asked the middle schoolers if they or if someone they know has feelings of depression to seek help and to reach out for the support that can help them through what might feel like the darkest of times.

Halligan shared the words of his favorite high school art teacher who, upon hearing of the suicide of her former student, said, "Kids, please don’t forget this, you can turn an inkblot into a butterfly."

The idea of turning something tragic into something positive stayed with Halligan throughout his lifetime, he said, though he regrets that he never had a chance to impart that message to his son. In the spirit of turning a terrible loss into a lesson for others, Halligan said as heartwrenching as his presentation is, the response has been so strong that he has gained strength in its retelling. 

Halligan will repeat this presentation for adults at 7 p.m this evening. All are encouraged to attend.